Open communication and healthy interaction is key in any community. Unfortunately, our society and our upbringing do not always give us the tools we need to communicate and interact effectively.
The code of personal conduct that the TOGA community aspires to is constantly changing and growing as we learn from experience. We ask that everyone who participates in our community, whether online or in person, does their best to follow this code. Community members who initiate to Third Circle and above make a commitment to honoring and modeling this code to others.
Further details will be posted soon, but most of it can be boiled down to these Four Agreements (per D.M Ruiz The Four Agreements, 1997):
Be Impeccable with Your Word
Don’t Make Assumptions
Don’t take Anything Personally
Always Do Your Best
These agreements are a simple guide to how we practice Communication, Personal Interaction, and Conflict Resolution.
Everyone who attends a TOGA ritual, class, or even an open discussion such as Coffee and Magick, has the right to expect that whatever they share in this space will be held in confidence.
In other words, what happens in TOGA stays in TOGA 😉
Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule in extreme cases. If we believe that a person is doing something that puts themselves or anyone else in danger, we are legally and morally obligated to take action. But, for anything less than that, we hold confidences it private.
This is a fundamental principle of our community, because….
- Our community is based on trust and acceptance
- Trust = whatever we choose to share will not be broadcasted
- Acceptance = we will not be judged because of what we choose to share
- We provide a safe space for individuals to process (express and understand) their personal challenges
- In the past we’ve heard people discuss extra-marital exploits, health issues, and job issues that they needed to talk about, but also needed to keep private
- We believe that it is not our right to declare something if the person who has shared it with us chooses not to
We know from experience that this can be a hard thing to do. Sometimes, when we are in circle, we will hear a person that we care about express a problem with another person that we care about. We may find it very difficult not to share information that we feel another party might want to hear.
We believe that if we support and love all parties and maintain all confidences – while also encouraging all parties to communicate directly – we create a community in which difficult truths can be revealed, processed, and healed.
In addition, we believe that by acting immediately on information that a vulnerable person shares, we open the door to more confusion, misunderstanding, and hurt. We believe in sharing in the right time, in the right place, with all interested parties involved.